Are they really your friends in the first place?
You are bound to meet new people and make new friends every now and then. Some people you meet seem like they are your “friends at first sight”. You both have so many things in common: you like the same music, the same movies, the same pop cultures, and the same food. You guys have so much in common you both could have passed off as 2 peas in a pod. To some people, you both may look like siblings.
Nothing wrong with that. However, there are some people whom you really cannot consider as friends. I don’t mean this in a catty and condescending way. Some people just don’t have a sense of self-control, which means you will need to set healthy boundaries with these people. If you don’t set healthy boundaries with these people, you will find that you’ll get exhausted pretty fast.
“If you spend your life sparing people’s feelings and feeding their vanity, you get so you can’t distinguish what should be respected in them.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, Goodreads
How To Distinguish a Good Friend From a Bad Friend
Here are some ways you can differentiate between a good friend and a bad one. Hopefully, you will be able to separate who is good for you, and who is not.
1. You only exist when they need something
Ever have that one friend who only appears when they need or want something from you? These sort of friends tend to be “cunning”. For 11 months of the year, you will have no idea where they are. You haven’t heard from this friend for a very long time. Then all of a sudden, as if there’s a circus in town, BOOM! They magically appeared with a troop of personal needs.
They will go on and tell you a sob story. Plus points if they throw in some theatrical acts. By the end of the conversation, they will ask you if you can provide something for them. Could be money, a place to stay, or whatever that can benefit them at that point in time. As soon as they are “well-fed”, they will disappear for good. You will never see them again. Maybe at that point in time, they really need help. Who knows?
Fast forward to a few months or years later, they will contact you again. They’d put up (maybe) the same act and ask you for providence. Can you really do that? Maybe you can because you have the financial and social power to help them. But are you willing to keep putting up with their facades?
Once, twice, you help an old friend out. Maybe they genuinely need the help. But for them to do it all the time? It gets a little bit too suspicious, no?
2. The conversation or situation is all about them, and only them
Expect Queen/King B vibes coming from these kinds of people. These sort of people, whenever you have a conversation with them, will always steer the topic back to them. They hog all the attention where and when they can. It’s all about what they are up to for the week, what fancy food they have been eating, and even the people they have been seeing.
The thing is…a lot of millennials are like that (ironically). It’s always about the “me culture”. As if you didn’t give them 1 minute of your time, they will sizzle and melt into nothingness. They just love the spotlight. The whole world just doesn’t revolve around these people.
3. They need your help, but they can’t help you when you need it
This one is another common type of problematic friend. Their existence is as old as time. Whenever they need help, they will call you up and expect you to help them. They expect you to be as dedicated as you can be to attend to their problems.
When the situation flips and you need help – they will disappear completely. You wouldn’t even be able to see half their shadows if given the chance. Try contacting them and you’ll be met with radio silence. Disappointing, isn’t it?
4. The one who is always in a drama
This sort of friend is nothing short of boring. They are, at best, filled with interesting stories since their life is filled with drama. Most times (but not every time), this friend will be caught in some sort of real-life drama. They are not actors in any TV series or movies. In fact, TV series and movies are based on this friend’s life scenarios. Their life is the very personification of the saying: variety is the spice of life.
Whenever you go out for tea with this friend, they will always start with, “Hey friend guess what happened the other day?” You don’t even need to ask what they are up to (they won’t even wait for you to ask) and you’ll get an automatic update on their life. Heck, some of it is even spicy. They are never short of life dramas. They can basically write a book series on it and have it successfully published.
5. The one who puts all things negative on a pedestal
Ever met a friend who idolizes antisocial behaviors? Well yeah, these people exist and they may not be someone you’d like to have as long-term friends. These sort of “friends” will usually worship bad behavior and anything antisocial.
They can idolize not earning an income and leech off hardworking people. They can also have multiple kids with multiple partners and not be responsible for their kids. They can also steal and see nothing wrong with it. These sort of unsavory people are the kinds you do not wish to have as friends. Distant yourselves from people who actively practice being a scum to society.
6. Friends who gossips
I always firmly believe that if a friend can gossip about someone else in front of you, it’s a matter of time they will do it to you too. Who knows as you are reading this piece of article, your friend may be crap talking about you to a mutual friend now.
Gossips are a very powerful tool to bring people down. They go hand in hand with rumors and they can destroy people easily. It affects energies around the spreader and the targeted person.
Not only is it deadly, but it also brings drama. With all the other problems you have in life, the last thing you want is to have drama that follows gossip. This isn’t high school anymore. Whatever high school dished out to us back in high school should stay there and die. No one should dig up high school pettiness and apply it in their adult lives.
The bottom line is that you should choose your friends wisely. If you found a new friend and realized that this friend is not good for you, it’s okay. You can always drop this friend off and limit your time with this friend. If all things fail with this “friend”, it’s always ok to say no and cut things off.
You don’t owe anyone anything. You deserve peace too.
Lydia is a content writer under Headliner by Newswav, a programme where content creators get to tell their unique stories through articles and at the same time monetize their content within the Newswav app.
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